All That I'm Living For
by xXHimitsuXx
Summary: It's finally happened, Severus Snape and Lily Evans are finally a couple.Both have never been happier.One day, Severus makes one of the worst mistakes of his life; he calls Lily 'Mudblood'. Full Summary Inside


Summary: It's finally happened, Severus Snape and Lily Evans are finally a couple. Both have never been happier. One day, Severus makes one of the worst mistakes of his life; he calls Lily 'Mudblood'. Heart-broken Lily is pushed into the arms of the over-confident troublemaker, James Potter. Can Severus convince Lily that he is sorry and his undying love is true? Or will he loose her forever to the horrible words, 'I do'?

"_The greater the power, _

_the more dangerous the abuse."_

_-Edmund Burke_

* * *

Wind howled a chilling lullaby as rain pelted to the ground. It slicked the streets, traveled down objects in perfect rivulets that would fall to the ground. The stench of wet asphalt and filthy garbage clung to the air like a leech.

Everything was eerily silent, the only thing that could be heard was the falling rain and wind. No one was out, leaving the street deserted. All except for one single boy.

Severus Snape's feet moved slowly, his black sneakers splashing into muddy puddles as he continued to trek along the foul smelling street. His black eyes were hazy as if he had been cast away into a foggy daze. His greasy black hair hung in twisted ropes all around his face, rain water dripping from the split ends.

His deep, glittering eyes peered from beneath his disheveled hair. Opaque tears clung to his bottom lashes. Thick black bags hung underneath his sunken in eyes. Sharp cheek bones jutted out from his gaunt looking face. His nose and cheeks were red from the blistering cold wind.

He continued to sluggishly walk and as he passed under a crooked street light his pale skin glittered, sparking like the stars that were scattered across the clouded sky.

Thin, stringy, and boney arms were wrapped around him, trying in vain to hold some warmth to his shivering body. His manky clothes clung to his body like fly paper, their coldness seeping deep into his worn out body like death.

His teeth chattered against one another, the sound impregnating the air as he continued to shuffle along. There was no feeling inside of him, just a bitter hollowness that took root in his heart, pulling at its strings.

He was numb to the coldness, numb to the singing pain in his cheek and stomach. It felt like some invisible hand had wrapped itself around his heart. Wrapped around every feeling receptor he had inside of him and yanked back harshly, pulling away his ability to feel.

The only thing left behind in him, as of this moment, was a deeply biting hollowness that curled around his soul and echoed in his blank mind. It spread it's poison like claws all around his body, digging into each and every small crevice. Sinking deep into the very marrow of his bones.

He was unconscious of where he was going, he just let his feet continue to carry him down Spinner's End, soaking wet from the rain that persistently continued to fall. He just wanted to run away, forget all that had happened to day.

More than anything he wanted to see _her_.

She was the only thing that could bring him back from the dark recesses of his mind. His Lily...She was the silver light that chased away all the shadows, chased away all the ghosts that continued to gain closeness to him.

His sweet Lily. She was the everlasting light to his soul shrouded in darkness.

His eyes were blank as his pace started to pick up, rain still beating down on him.

He wanted to see her, no he had to see her!

He had to see his Lily, he had to hear her sweet voice that would lock up all the demons brewing beneath his skin. She could dispel them, she always did.

Severus broke out into a run, his leg muscles burning and straining as he forced them into motion. His breath hitched as he pressed harder, lungs burning as they thumped against his rib cage. His heart beat erratically in his ear, but he paid it no mind.

What mattered was seeing Lily. She was the only thing important.

His wet, clumped hair slapped him in the face, clinging to his cheeks but he continued to push his exhausted body. He continued to propel his legs and pump his arms, breaths coming out in heated pants as his throat grew tight and hoarse.

His breath was getting shorter and shorter as his heart beat so hard he was afraid it would jump out his chest, but still he continued to run. He blocked everything else out of his mind, focusing on one thing only. Focusing sorely on Lily.

Lily with her deep red hair, doe green eyes, and pale skin. Lily with her brilliant smile and splatters of soft freckles over the bridge of her small nose. Lily with her sweet, soft voice that continued to ring in his ears, even after she stopped speaking.

Lily who defended him always...

His Lily...

*

Severus fell to his knees, his lost breath tearing at his throat as coughs rose in his throat. They pushed violently out of his throat and mouth and he was vaguely aware of a copper taste filling his mouth for a brief moment.

Spitting out a glob of blood, Severus rest his head heavily against the slick grass. He relished in the coolness that seeped into his heated forehead before raising his head slightly. He had made it. There in front of him was the baby blue house belonging to the Evans family.

All the lights were shut off and the house looked desolate, but Severus knew better.

Lily would be up and reading in her room, a soft grin over her lips as she amerced herself with her girly romance novels.

The thought of her smile brought a small tilt of Severus' own pale lips.

Standing up shakily, Severus brushed his hands off on his pants before walking towards the side of the house. His legs were wobbly and felt like they were jello, but he paid them no mind. Right now, all that mattered was Lily Evans.

His fingers tightly gripped the trellis, pulling himself up. He slowly started to climb his way up, mindful of the red roses' thorns that stuck out everywhere. When he finally got to the top, his hands were scuffed and most likely bleeding, but Severus didn't care. He could see Lily laying on her bed, reading with inapt concentration. It made a little bit of the hollowness thaw and he suddenly became aware of just how cold he really was.

Cautiously, he set his feet onto the very top and gently started to ease up onto the roof. He kept his hands pressed against the house's siding for fear of falling and most likely breaking a limb. Once he was securely on the roof, Severus eased over to Lily's window. He took a moment to admire her flawless beauty before gently knocking on the glass with his knuckles.

While he was waiting for Lily to come and open the window a harsh breeze blew past. His wet skin was chilled even more and he suppressed a sneeze as his teeth started to clack against each other. How could he not have noticed how cold he was before?

After a few moments more the window creaked open and Lily cautiously popped her head out, green eyes narrowed as she glanced around. Seeing nothing she began to slide back into her room, shoulders tense.

"Wait, Lily!" Severus whispered out quickly, eyes wide as he shoved his hand between the window and the window pane. "It's me, Severus."

Lily pushed open the window once more, head popping out completely. "Severus?" She questioned, one eyebrow raised as she turned to look at him. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" Her voice whispered out worriedly, hand coming up to grab onto Severus'.

Deliberately he kept the left side of his face averted from her, knowing that if he turned completely around she would see the purple bruise that was starting to take residence on his cheek. "Something happened at home." He stated simply, dark eyes greedily taking in Lily's form. "I wanted to see a friendly face."

Lily smiled worriedly before motioning Severus to come in. "Come on in then, but be quiet. I don't need my parents coming in to find a boy in my room," Lily said, a soft giggle leaving her slim throat.

Severus grinned a little before shuffling into Lily's room, mindful to keep the bruised side of his face away from her view. He didn't want her to see the ugly happenings that had taken place at his home. All he needed was to see that bright smile of hers.

"Make yourself at home." She stated before moving over to her bed and marking the page in her book. She glanced back up at Severus, noticing for the first time , that he was soaking wet. "Merlin, why didn't you tell me you were soaking wet?" Lily said worriedly, rushing out of the room to get a towel.

When she came back Severus was seated down in a chair by the window. His dark hair was lanky and lifeless as it hung in front of his face. His hands were clasped in his lap and his dark eyes had a far away look as he stared out the window.

"Here you are then."

She walked over before gently starting to dry the black hair, a small frown on her lips. Once she was done, Lily moved back to inspect her work. Severus' hair was now dry and pushed back and away from his face.

Grinning she moved to stand in front of him.

Instantly the smile dropped from her face and her eyebrows creased in worry. She hesitantly moved her hands out and cupped Severus' face in her palm. Gingerly she ran her finger tips over the battered flesh, a gasp getting stuck in her throat.

"Severus, what happened?" Lily demanded. "Why is there a giant bruise on your face?"

Severus just winced, eyes sliding shut as he tried to block out her voice. He didn't want to tell her. He didn't want her to know. But by his silence, he knew that Lily understood. She knew that it was his father who did this.

Lily just frowned sadly before wrapping her arms around Severus, pulling him into a tight hug. She rest her cheek against his head, arms cradling him as she rocked back and forth. "It's alright. You can stay here, Sev. Everything going to be okay." She whispered reassuringly into his hair, arms tightening around him when she felts his arms drop heavily on her waist.

Severus said nothing, he just let her hold him.

He closed his eyes and basked in her light, letting her drive away the demons living inside of him.

For once Severus felt something he hadn't for so long.

For once, Severus felt...warmth.

* * *

AN: I hope it wasn't too horrible. Please comment on how well or how poorly it was done. Thanks! =)


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